Koichi Kaguya
Posts : 80
Age : 32
Village of Residence : the twilight village
Join date : 2011-01-06
Cool Points (LOL) : -1
Hobbies / Interests : widdleing bones
Kekkei Genkai : shikotsumyaku[skeletal manipulation and regeneration] print boom
 |  Subject: koichi's origins  February 13th 2011, 6:13 pm | |
| At the age of 8 my village was attacked. My parents and the rest of my clan was killed trying to hold them off. They took my sister kameko as a slave i now will try to get her back. I will get strong on my journey so i can never let anyone hurt her agian.
Last edited by Koichi Kaguya on February 15th 2011, 7:45 pm; edited 4 times in total | |
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Shiro Kazuma
Posts : 1083
Age : 34
Village of Residence : Kingdom of Chaos
Join date : 2009-05-12
Cool Points (LOL) : 9
Kekkei Genkai : Elemental Control
Character sheet
Character Race:
Character Info (Highlight):
| | Subject: Re: koichi's origins February 13th 2011, 6:35 pm | |
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Koichi Kaguya
Posts : 80
Age : 32
Village of Residence : the twilight village
Join date : 2011-01-06
Cool Points (LOL) : -1
Hobbies / Interests : widdleing bones
Kekkei Genkai : shikotsumyaku[skeletal manipulation and regeneration] print boom
| | Subject: Re: koichi's origins February 14th 2011, 10:06 am | |
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Shiro Kazuma
Posts : 1083
Age : 34
Village of Residence : Kingdom of Chaos
Join date : 2009-05-12
Cool Points (LOL) : 9
Kekkei Genkai : Elemental Control
Character sheet
Character Race:
Character Info (Highlight):
| | Subject: Re: koichi's origins February 14th 2011, 11:07 am | |
| Sorry but the story is way to vague. For instance, who is the Ambus and what does that have to do with the Kingdom of Chaos...? Try to be more descriptive in the background a little bit and don't be afraid to lengthen it up. It doesn't have to be a book but it should give a basic understanding of your character's background, origin, personality, stuff like that. Edit again please! | |
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Shiro Kazuma
Posts : 1083
Age : 34
Village of Residence : Kingdom of Chaos
Join date : 2009-05-12
Cool Points (LOL) : 9
Kekkei Genkai : Elemental Control
Character sheet
Character Race:
Character Info (Highlight):
| | Subject: Re: koichi's origins February 14th 2011, 6:57 pm | |
| Ok lemme put it like this. First, you can't use the Kingdom of Chaos as part of your background saying we attacked your homeland being that's impossible being we created the Chaos and have its history. That's the first thing. To add on to that, you keep mentioning "Ambus" which once again does not belong to the Chaos. So you're gonna have to scratch the whole Kingdom of Chaos destroying your village please. Reason being, the Chaos has not done such a thing in the history and being it was created in this story, you putting up such an event conflicts with the actual History we have created for the Chaos. So, please change that from your background. Thanks again... | |
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Koichi Kaguya
Posts : 80
Age : 32
Village of Residence : the twilight village
Join date : 2011-01-06
Cool Points (LOL) : -1
Hobbies / Interests : widdleing bones
Kekkei Genkai : shikotsumyaku[skeletal manipulation and regeneration] print boom
| | Subject: Re: koichi's origins February 15th 2011, 7:45 pm | |
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